The Absence of College Dating

Just yesterday I was discussing how college dating doesn't exist. I mean for people who are in college or recently graduated from a university will likely agree. People do not date in college like they might have used to. Many people are shocked regarding the lack of dating in college, for me, this isn't very shocking at all.

First of all, dating as a whole has been taken into a new dimension. Dating has transformed in general. This does not just hold true for the younger, college-age generation but the older folks as well. With dating websites such as eHarmony and Match.com (along with the myriad of other similar sites), older people no longer find themselves in the dilemma of how to possibly meet people. Now this may seem strange for some people who haven't gone through the online dating process, but if you think about it, it really isn't.

Say you just retired from work, you are in your mid 50s and you recently had a divorce. Most likely you are going to want to find someone else to spend the rest of your life with. However, being in such a position, finding someone poses quite a problem. While there are millions of single like-aged people interested in finding a mate, there are very few avenues to find any if you take online dating out of the equation. Online dating allows people to immediately search hundreds of profiles of potential matches at the comfort of one's home. My parents have been through this process and while you are unlikely to find who you are looking for on your first try, online dating allows people to experience dates with several different people.

College students tend to have the attitude that online dating is a copout and there is no reason to find someone online when they are immersed in an environment with thousands of single students. Unfortunately, the way the college environment is structured, dating has been a challenge.

In college, there are three main ways to meet someone else:
1. Someone you know from class.
2. Someone from a club or activity.
3. Friend or a friend of a friend
4. Someone you meet at a party

The top three tend to be awkward whereas the fourth, finding someone you meet at a party is a no risk issue.

Let's analyze #1 Someone From Class
Say you meet someone from a class and start dating him or her, class is probably going to be a little awkward on your initial dates. Are you going to sit by him/her? Are you going to try and participate more/less? Moreover these questions are only the tip of the iceberg. While going out with someone from class may change classroom dynamics there is one far more important issue that should be kept in mind...the break-up. While anyone who initially dates someone else hopes that it will last, the chances are it won't. If you break-up with someone you met from a class while still in that same class, it is going to be both painful and awkward to go to that same class for the next few days.

Let's analyze #2 Club or Activity
This one I think is more doable than the other options when it comes to dating specifically. However, meeting someone from a club or activity also poses some risks. Often times it can create drama with the entire activity knowing and talking about it, but then again...if you are serious about dating, you could probably care less. More importantly this also involves an issue where tensions in such a relationship often can cause one or both members to leave the club/activity. Many people do not want to run this risk if the activity in question is one they absolutely love.

Let's analyze #3 Friend or Friend of a Friend
This one regardless is virtually guaranteed to create a lot of drama and probably cause a huge change in group dynamics. I have friends who have dated other friends of mine, and I got to say, it can get pretty awkward. For friends who have friends in a relationship, they will notice changes right of the bat. The biggest one being how their friends (who are now a couple) treat each other.

Finally we look at the #4 situation - The Party
Almost every college is infested with parties, which is the primary way campus life gets shaped outside of the classroom. I say that parties are zero-risk situations because often times people who meet and get together at parties are people who know very little about each other going in. College students have managed to eliminate the awkward nervousness entailed when asking someone out on a date by finding someone at a party. At parties, students tend to have their inhibitions reduced and are willing to be more upfront on who they are willing to be with. Parties also provide the avenue for people to meet someone without much cost. This has created the hook-up culture where students can hook-up and then leave it as if it never happened. Why, because it was supposedly fun while it happened. Even if a legitimate relationship is formed from a party, breaking-up poses very little of an issue. After all, you will probably rarely even see that person again considering you may have hardly if at all none the person you were with prior to the party. Dating has no longer becomes a necessity for many college students (both guys and girls believe it or not) when many people take temporary pleasure in hooking up with someone if they feel that they don't necessarily have the obligation to stay with him or her.

Over the long haul, most college students would still prefer a greater dating scene take place in college. The hook-up culture has created an artificial form of relationships where physical actions and words mean far less than they should.